My life has been drastically changed since the birth of my son. In the midst of this change I have realized some truths that were discovered along the way.
When I was young I dreamed of experiencing pregnancy and giving birth to my own child….which would have parts of me in them. I planned to have a child and be married by the age of 25. This did not happen.
In fact I discovered it would be practically impossible or not at all in my ability to become pregnant and give birth to a child. About 15 years ago, or less, I received an audible message from God, Jesus, or an Angel stating “This is what you shall name your son”…looking down I saw the name Nathanael pop out at me from a book I was reading. Nathanael means “Gift of God”. I planned for this miracle to happen in months, within a year, within 2 years…it did not happen that way.
I did not become pregnant and give birth until a month ago. My age is not even close to being 25. I was not married to my current husband until a few years ago…and meeting him approximately 9 years ago.
During my pregnancy I was not aware of all the symptoms which can occur during pregnancy. I had not planned on all of them coming to pass. However, I experienced almost all of the symptoms which come with pregnancy. I do remember making the statement, “I wish to experience all of pregnancy”, at one time in my life….be careful of the statements you make.
I planned for the birth to be natural and no medications for pain. This did not happen, complications during contractions (my baby’s heart rate dropping)resulted in me having to have a c-section in the best interests of my baby. I was also given pain medication for the surgery. I planned for the medication to act with no side effects. This did not happen, my heart rate dropped and I was extremely nauseated.
I planned to breastfeed my child. This did not happen, issues with lactation and other issues arose which resulted in a formula only diet for my child. I planned for my child to sleep through the night or at least most of it. This did not happen, many nights I have spent awake with my child.
I made many plans of how things would occur, continuing to remain positive in my thoughts and speech. Not all of my plans came to pass as I had expected or desired.
Now, what I realized was that it was not about my plans in my life or the life of my child. I have discovered it is about God’s plans and the glory going to Him and not my statements concerning my plans. If I planned for one event to go in one direction, the event went in the other direction. I believe this was God’s lessons in showing me; it is not going to go according to my plans for myself…but rather it was going to go according to God’s plan for me and in a way that gives God all the glory. Every time I said one thing He turned it around to be something else. Every thing that happened was for my and my child’s own good. I could not foresee all the circumstances that would be included in the events that held my plans, but God foresaw these circumstances.
Just because I planned for things to go in a specific direction and way, does not mean the events will follow it. The events may have a similar outcome that is good, but it does not mean they are going to take the same path I propose for them. It is God who directs our paths, not us. I am thankful that God does not always allow things to go according to my plans.